The Beeryard, a Wayne, Pa. beer store, joined in the April Fool’s Day fun by posting several not-quite-true pieces of beer news at its website. One of the stories had Dogfish Head Brewery in Delaware announcing it has brewed Raison C’est Fini, a beer that can best be described as “all alcohol, all hops, all the time.” It read:
“Declaring his brewery the final winner in the ongoing competition with Boston Beer Company (Samuel Adams) to brew the world’s strongest beer, Dogfish Head founder, CEO and former Hagar Slacks model Sam Calagione announced today the release of Raison C’est Fini, a 100% abv brew which is also ‘hopped continuously with a blend of every hop variety grown on every continent in the world during the year 2003, plus some stuff that looks an awful lot like hops which I found out behind our Milton brewery.’
“Boston Beer’s Jim Koch was not available for comment. Some reports have him retiring in disgrace to Costa Rica.
“Calagione noted that Dogfish Head’s high end, high octane beers ‘have always been designed to draw wine and cognac drinkers into the craft beer market, but we realized recently that we were focusing on only one segment of the wine market. With the flavor and character of grain alcohol, Raison C’est Fini will attract those consumers at the other end of the spectrum who favor brands such as Thunderbird. Not that we’re ignoring our established base, of course. With all that alcohol and all those hops, I think we can safely say this beer will be very highly rated by the online beer groups, even by those members who never get to taste it.’
“In order to constantly hop the beer, Dogfish Head engineers took a set of Barbie and Ken dolls and paired them in a manner which Calagione described as ‘very, very friendly but not `family’ friendly, if you know what I mean,’ to create a unique hopping mechanism. ‘This is so far beyond Randall the Enamel Animal that I get giddy just thinking about it,’ he admitted.
“The invention, Barbie & Ken Hop Climax, is proprietary and being held in strict security at the brewery. Thus, in order to insure that Raison C’est Fini is being hopped right up until the last pint is drawn, brewer Bryan Selders will be packaged with each keg as it is released. His job is to force hop pellets into the top of the keg as rapidly as he can until it is tapped, then throw fresh hop flowers into each glass as it is poured. Each keg will be priced at $250.00 plus room and board for Selders.”